Good morning all you Barnet League followers. I was all ready to write up this week’s league match reports but it appears that no games took place. I have checked with the organisers and was told that there were no games held because of a corvid. Well I’m confused, we have Hawks, Blackbirds, Robins and Eagles but none of them are corvids?

So, in order to fill this spot I have been in contact with our Northern Correspondent, Polar Paul and he has forwarded this report on one of his local matches.

‘Twas early afternoon on Christmas Eve

The Elves and the Reindeer were all pleased

The sleigh was all packed and ready to go

So maybe some fun could be had in the snow.

They got out the mats and placed the blocks

And got yellow jacks from their home in the socks

Rudolf was lead, his favourite position

And hitting the jack was always his mission.

For the opposition, Chief Elf claimed the mat

He wiggled his nose and positioned his hat

His bright orange bowl, the one that he kissed

He aimed for the jack but it flew passed and missed.

Little Rudolf stood up to the plate

And on his lead hoof he put all his weight

He picked up his bowl it was black and plain

But it rolled up to the jack to Chief Elf’s disdain.

Chief Elf rolled a wide one, ever so slick

It made for the black bowl wanting a wick

It pushed out the black one and took prime spot

Oh how those Elves cheered, well quite a lot.

Now Rudolf positioned himself there on the mat

He eyed up the head after having a chat

He gave it some weight but he heard the knock

Of that awful sound from the little white block.

Mrs Elf picked up her new small blue bowls

The ones that she stole from some wicked trolls

It slid past the first two and wicked off the third

A tremendous roar from a teammate was heard.

The next bowl left the mat, delivered by Cupid

He burst into tears and said I feel stupid

With tail between legs he sat on a chair

And with hands on his head wished he weren’t there.

Mrs Elf rolled her next bowl, it joined those in the head

It blocked all the lines and made Cupid see red

He played reverse bias with a small bit of weight

It bounced off the blue ones and landed just great.

The head it was crowded, with nothing too wide

Chief Elf and Rudolf they couldn’t decide

They looked at the head with eyes full of desire

And after some pondering shouted out, “Umpire”!

The Umpire arrived with his wedges and a measure

He said “All Off the Mat” with authoritative pleasure

He got out his callipers and twiddled with the screw

First, he checked the black one, then he did the blue.

“It’s the black” he said, the Reindeers were chuffed

All of the Elves just grunted and puffed.

The happy Reindeer all returned to the sleigh

And Santa was off on his merry way.

Your reporter, Polar Paul and all your Committee wish you

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.